I know the Lord has been preparing our hearts long before we ever knew we would move to the DR> but lately, I’ve been reminded that the Lord has been preparing our hearts during these last few months, even when all felt clouded over. We have made countless decisions in the last months as we get ready for the big move, and many of those decisions have had unanswered questions. We’ve felt peace as we have made them; confidence in what we have chosen along the way, but we have often wondered WHY. And I am reminded, again and again, that we don’t always need to KNOW why.. somewhere, sometime along the way it might be revealed to us…. but often it’s not.. and yet, it is STILL up to us to respond to the Spirit.
“Inside out.” It’s been my phrase, my mantra, my rainbow ribbon of motivation, hanging over my head. We live in an “outside in” world, where the focus is often placed on the outside: appearance, actions, anything the world sees in an instant. And as I work through my own personal emotions regarding leaving this home as a whole, as I talk through these transitions with my kids.. I feel it deeply and heavily: “you must learn to live from the inside out:” that is, to focus on the heart- on the soul- on the stuff that makes us human– before I focus on anything else.
The stuff that makes us human, that’s what I ponder next. The soul connections. How do I leave this place WELL? How do I say goodbye WELL? How do I keep this all in the forefront, without getting bogged down by this “outside in” world?
It’s the little things, I’m learning, that allow me to begin to live “inside out.” It’s the free play. The mud. Their clean clothes rolling, rolling, rolling across lawn and mud and leftover Dairy Queen ice cream. It’s the releasing of control, for me. To live “inside out,” it’s putting frustrating conversations before screen time. It’s setting boundaries that enable this lifestyle: early bedtimes again and again and again for our own mental health as a couple. It’s Survivor Night as a family, bike rides, walks, PLAY, but all with the constant throbbing of the Spirit breathing in.. out.. out.. in.. in.. out.. remembering why we are here on this Earth and Who created us and how can we love better. That’s what prompts me to begin to live “inside out.”
And at the end of the day, it’s this collection of moments that we miss if our eyes aren’t fully open. If our soul eyes are busy, rushed, frazzled.. we miss the moments that breath “inside out.” This awareness of such moments.. this is the essence of “inside out.”
His browned face, and rooster-blond cowlicks. The way their heads nuzzle together, giggling endlessly before they collapse to the ground in laughter. Baby’s courage- up the slide, up the ladder, in the mud, around the water, under the stairs. Husband joining us for bedtime stories, all piled high in the toddler bed after he’s worked ten hours. My own Mama’s face every morning, drinking hot Máte with my baby or making cheerio necklaces with my big boy.
Essentially, it’s the awareness of all these moments, good and bad, hard and easy, that breathe
inside out.
Matt and Lisa Wiebe 